i'm sorry. 

I could apologize a million times - and it would never be enough. I know you're tired of apologies, and I am too, but they just seem to spill out of my mouth and I cant stop them from falling.

I didn't want us to end like this; I never even wanted "us" to end. I never wanted to do this to you. I believed so much with all my heart that I would be that one person who would never give up on you because

I believed in us.
I believed in you.
I believed in me.

and it hurts me so much to say this, but I just can't do this anymore. I'm so sorry I couldn't be that person. I'm so sorry I failed in that area. I'm so sorry.

I love you so much - and that will never change. My choice does not change this fact - please know that. I am just so tired.

You are my first love. My best friend. My everything.

This decision is one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do in my life so far, but I need to do this for myself.

It's time to let go.

I'm not in the greatest state of mind right now - and let's be real, we're so toxic for each other in our current state. We both want different things. We both still have a lot of self growth to do. We are stuck in a cycle that never seems to end and my heart just can't handle going back to square one all over again. I am tired and I know you are too.

So I'm doing this because I need to love myself first.

Call me selfish, call this unfair, call it whatever you want. I'll take the blow. I'll take everything you throw at me - I'm sorry but this has to happen. For me. For you. For us.

I want to be happy too.

I can't make any promises about the future - maybe we'll find our way back to each other, maybe we wont.

Either way - thank you for these 2 years.

We've been through A LOT together and that's never going to change. 2 and a half years worth of lame jokes, basketball games, late night talks, birthdays, crappy freestyle rapping, mix tapes, social justice warriors, polaroids and so much more will forever have a special place in my heart.

I am genuinely glad that you're the happiest I've ever seen you be - and I hope your happiness never ends, that's all I could ever ask for.

-

I love you,

goodbye dork.