3/19/2018

from the moment i wake up

to the moment i fall asleep

i tell myself that

i think too much

that i do too much

that i care too much

for people

who

care

too little

but that fact

still

does not

stop me

from

being

too much

I am guilty for ignoring red flags when it comes to giving "too much" of myself - whether it be my time, money or even my thoughts.

Why is that?

Could the roots of this lovely lovely lovely quirk in my personality stem from the cliché of family issues and suppressed overborne insecurities? Who knows - I'd like to think it's just because I am such a nice person. In fact - I don't think me doing 'too much' is going to hurt anybody, except oh! maybe myself? I take full responsibility for that.

My friends always nag at me for treating some people better than they deserve to be treated - and I understand that, most of the time they really don't deserve anything from me, but I can't help but always have this underlying feeling of faith.

Faith in change.

The amount of faith I have in people is ridiculous - even I know that it's dumb.

Faith in change is probably the main reason why I can't seem give up - even when it's blatantly clear that I should. People just need someone with a little faith in them - and I'd be happy to be that person, although when it really gets too far I know when to draw the line.

What can I say? I'm a sweetheart - or an idiot, there's a fine line between those two when it comes to me.

What is the point of this post you ask?

I have absolutely no idea! I feel like it's all over the place - but I guess I just had things on my mind and it's been a while since I wrote anything down.

At the end of the day - I know that giving too much of myself away isn't healthy, but it also makes me happy. I like making someone feel like they're worth something - and maybe in some cases some people take advantage of that and it goes straight to their head, but at the end of the day I'm not the one who's an asshole HAHHAHAHA

Although, I am the one who gets absolutely butt hurt and sobs like a little bitch when I realize that my friends were right (not that I ever doubted them) and that I absolutely wasted my time when I could have invested it in something else !! but once again, I'd take full responsibility for my choices.

Ok bye - I may be 4 years older than when I started this blog, but I'm still as dumb!!

- NR