I am overwhelmed - emotionally, mentally and physically. I barely had any time to breathe and process my thoughts. 

2016 was just messy.

I don't know where to start, or should I say, how to start, because everything is cluttered in my mind - and nothing really stands out. I think it's because this past year, I've had to block out a lot of things in my mind, if I hadn't, I think my thoughts would have consumed me.  

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Lets start with the last few days of 2016. 

The events that happened the year before in 2015, had come back to haunt me in a new form - through longing. 

It's a feeling that lingered around my head and heart - in wisps. For some reason the intensity grew the last week of 2016, maybe because it was around the time I let you go - which definitely was a hard desicion, because I didn't want to let go. My ego has deteriorated enough for me to admit freely that - I miss you. I'm not ashamed to say it. 

I wanted to reconnect, but I had already deleted your number - just another thing I did out of spite, to stop tempation. Reconnecting with you through social media was another half hearted attempt - it was a baby step, that honestly led up to a dead end. It just pointed out how much of a chicken I was, because I just couldn't find myself doing anything with it - all it did was just remind me how much can change within a year. 

When I finally did see you - by pure chance, I totally choked. Like, 100%, I spazzed out and panicked. I just ended up hiding behind my friends. woo, go me! 

I guess that's when I decided this whole reconnecting thing wasn't going to work out. Too much time had passed already, we both had grown into two different people - we just weren't there for each other when it happened, so it didn't feel right to jump back into a life I was detatched from for a year. 

Coincidentally, on new years eve, I read something that really hit me - it was just something I needed to see. 

"We cry over friends we will never have back, people we once loved, bridges that have been burnt.

I made my choice, I burnt my bridge, there is no need for me to mourn about the past, it's what shaped the future - and I'm okay with where I am now. 

I just want you to know, that I'm really happy you've found a group of friends who encourage you to express yourself and actually do something with your life. I know that last line sounds a bit harsh - and I admit a mistake I did was nag you alot, I guess people always pushed reality onto me - that you become someone I vented out on. 

The first few months were honestly such an absolute blast! I feel like I really got myself out there - I experienced new things and met new people. 

One event which really stands out for me - is when I volunteered for Belle, the musical. It was just such a great experience, even if I only worked backstage, and ocassionally - as an usher, I loved every second of it. 

The first few months of 2016 were just great. I wouldn't really change a thing. 

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We all know that it got a little... intense during the middle of the year. 

Not going to lie - it was messy, but I'm really happy that it's all in the past now. 

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I've honestly gained confidence - in ways that I never thought I could a few years back. I'm just ready to face what comes my way this year, and I'm blessed to still have the people I care about around to tackle it with me. 

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Here's to a new year x 

- NR 

Song Of The Year (2016) : 

I feel like this song embodies the way I felt this year - in a way, and I think it's perfect to end the year with.